those cinnamon rolls.

Just a miniature little thing,
In my miniature red apron,
I stood on a chair pulled up to the counter top & watched the art that was forming in front of me.
Now, my mom didn't cook but boy, could she bake.
Sweet, doughy creations were the smell of home.
But my favorite of all these were the cinnamon rolls [with no icing I might add].
The cinnamon rolls that took an entire day to prepare,
The dough resting on top of the TV in the orange mixing bowl with a towel draped across,
& then from the kitchen, I'd hear about how I was walking too heavy and the dough was going to fall [was this just a myth to get us to settle down in our playfulness?],
Either way, I took no chances and sat quietly anxiously awaiting my favorite part.
And then it was time.
Time to punch the dough with my bony little fists in my miniature red apron.

& now, I have a family of my own.
In my own kitchen, I call on my mom for her special recipe,
Vague memories of watching her at work flash back as I try to create like she did.
To create those precious cinnamon rolls that were like pure honey to the lips and filled the home with the most delectable aroma.
I try my hand at the art,
Some of the steps a bit hazy in my memory,
But the one thing I didn't forget was to walk softly as to not cause the dough to fall.
And wait for the best part,
The part where I get to punch the dough with my slightly larger fists in my black&white apron.

thankfulness & how it humbles.

As I sit here on Thanksgiving morning eating pie and sipping on hot coffee in the comforts of my home, my heart strings are being pulled every which way. Joy for the life, families and freedoms the Lord has blessed us with. Shame for everything I tend to overlook in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  But mainly this morning, I think of those who's circumstances are complete opposite of mine. Specifically, I think of the children who don't have a permanent roof over their head or a family that loves unconditionally.  I think about those same kids who long for exactly what I take for granted.  I wonder if those littles know the love that God has for them which exceeds all else or if they have ever heard the name of Jesus. & I think of what I am called to do about something that weighs so heavily on my heart.

Sometimes it's through the circumstances that we can't understand that God works to open our heart to something we, in our selfish desire, would not have pursued otherwise.  This year, he's given me a tender spirit for these orphan or unloved children. Children not birthed from me, but children who I could love as my own.  I want to live with an open door to my home to those young spirits who need a little extra love and attention.  I want to live a life seeking God's heart for the least.  I want to live with the realization that all little ones are Christ's children first and foremost & we are called to disciple them to be warriors for His kingdom.

It's my prayer this year, that He will reveal a glimpse of what he has in store for us as a family.  That he would show us his will and continue to grasp my heart in such a way that brings me to my knees in humbleness. & with that, I am thankful for the molding He does in my life & the heart for children He continues to bury deeper in my being.

year one.

One year ago today, I walked down the isle to my lover, my future, my husband.  This year has flown by but at the same time, the times when we didn't do life together seem like a distant blur. It's been a year of growth, molding, & pure joy. Here's a few of the things being married to Cameron has taught me:
{Don't worry, guys. I'm not feeling a sappy-love-letter-kind-of-post today.}

1. We would make a horrible team on the Amazing Race.
Why? Well, simply put: I can be a little a lot overbearing when I have a perception of how things should be done. It used to drive me crazy the way Cameron did dishes and I would often find myself questioning his method. {Bad wife moment} His gracious response: "There's more than one right way to do things, babe." What a gentle spirit that man has especially when I'm questioning him instead of being thankful for his ways of serving me. I'm far from perfect, but daily I strive to combat my natural tendency and to make strides to being a gentle, thankful and submissive wife. The wife I'm called to be.

2. I'm glad I was the one sick on our wedding day.
Rewind to exactly a year ago, and this girl was sick. Leaving the church in our "Just Married" set of wheels and going to the store to buy Saltine crackers, toasting with a plastic cup of sprite at the reception, and chugging anti nausea meds in the bathroom in between dances. {It's all rather hilarious now} Throughout all of those happenings, Cameron had a peace about him. He instantly stepped into the selfless role of husband. I mean, he even gave up any hope of eating dinner to accompany me to the outdoors to hold my hair...what guy does that with a gracious & cheerful heart? My man certainly did.

Fast forward to the one  time Cameron's been sick since we got married....I did not have a servant heart like the one he displayed an hour into marriage. I found myself grumbling and annoyed that he was cutting into my time with his needs. What perspective it brought when I realized how selfish I really was/am. Although it's painful to mold my sinful being to be more like Christ, I am so thankful marriage has brought my flaws out into the open.

3. A God centered relationship is not at all what I thought.
Before we got married, I don't think we ever prayed out loud together. Not that Cam didn't try to pursue that aspect (because he did. all.the.time), it was I who was fearful and uncomfortable to come to God together in thanksgiving and prayer. Over the past year, I've learned that I don't need to write out some eloquent dialect in order to have a heartfelt script. I can come to God in the presence of my husband just as I am with all my jumbled up words, and awkward pauses of silence when I get flustered. What a blessing it's been to join with my husband and pray about our hearts desires together & be vulnerable. As much growth as we've had in this area this past year, I know that each year we will continue to grow, strongly rooted in the one who reigns forevermore.

4. I'm not a terrible cook...or at least we haven't died yet.
I never grew up cooking meals and in college my meals consisted of fast food breakfast, ramen for lunch, and a frozen meal dinner. Something told me, that diet wouldn't suffice in married life.  So I had to put my big girl panties on and learn how to cook.  Truthfully, I knew how all along, but doubted my abilities since it wasn't something I had spent a lot of time dissecting, studying and learning the art of the kitchen.  Meal planning and cooking is a way I can serve my husband. It's my domain in our household and I love that. So much satisfaction arises when my husband raves to others about a new meal I've somehow mustered up or when I manage to get out of the grocery store for less and less each week. My heart is full in that moment. Some family favorites this year have been: Swiss Chicken, Spicy Pork Green Chili, Sausage and Spinach Stuffed Shells, & of course, the quick go to, Stir Fry.  Here's to many more meals on the table for our family.

5. We will always be dating even when we are an old married couple.
One thing we have guarded is a Wednesday night date night. Time with the husband to cater to what we need that week. Sometimes it looks like a cozy night on the couch, a neighborhood stroll, chats over coffee, or some crazy fun idea we've cooked up. But the bottom line is we want to invest in our marriage and not become monotonous in our everyday routine. Especially for me, I need to feel pursued still as a woman. & he needs to feel appreciated as a man. Some of my favorite memories are the ones we created together while continue to date each other in marriage. I've never felt more loved and treasured than in this moment and I know that will continue to grow.

Being married to the man that God selected for me has been such a blessing. I can honestly say that I follow him as he follows Christ. And when one of us stumbles, the other is there to point to right back to the Creator of Heaven and Earth. We have been richly blessed in our lives together so far and give all the glory, honor and praise to Him. On to year two....!